I feel the need to tell you that it has never been a competition
I held out to protect myself
The months of resistance were worth this single moment
In the end, they were the sweetest words you've ever uttered
in part because you prefer actions
Words really aren't your thing
I've been stuck on replay ever since
Rewinding and re-watching
You really knew how to kick off the new year

imbibing changes                  (from entire body)
of varying opaqueness                      (vena cava)
cobalt blue waters                          (right atrium)
into which I cannot see (atrioventricular valve)
biting, licking salty                     (right ventricle)
fingers graze softness           (pulmonary artery)
ragged waving breaths                              (lungs)
lips like wind on whispers     (pulmonary vein)
tracing trails of treasure maps     (to left atrium)
across lulling bodies      (atrioventricular valve)
with him                                       (to left ventricle)
deep ocean breezes                                      (aorta)
with him I am the sea                   (to entire body)

We all live in dark hours

The moments when no one can reach us

We are lost in a reverie

A silent embrace with the weak and shadows

We all live in dark hours

The darkest of which we spend alone

We are lost in a reverie

A dream from which we cannot wake

honestly,

there is nothing more beautiful than when the leaves turn

green  yellow  orange  red

autumn metamorphosis

change before one's eyes

fall renewal before winter submergence

nothing sounds better
than the way his heartbeat feels
pressing against my smile, held dreamily
burrowed into his chest
never let go
you're holding me together
and your heartbeat tastes better than I would
my pieces scattered across the hardwood floor

For one so young, she is such an old soul
Blistering fingertips, resonant voice, honey-infused words
     dancing across her tongue
Manifestations of her determination
     join together in perfect song, perfect harmony
But, she still has yet to understand
Opening her eyes, she turns dirty pages of lyrics:
     ink blots, tear stains, guilty fingerprint smudges
A realization.
Don't you know? You're why you're suffering
Scratches, sharpness, release
     a blood-red exhale
     as sweet as sugar-coated breathing
A sigh of relief.
Rest.

Wake up. No more living life in passive voice
Stand up. Walk out.
Embrace the beauty within
For her there is such beauty, such strength
     so much love holding the pieces together
If only she could see what everyone else does
     what I do
Maybe then she might stop questioning this connection
     why I love her beyond what words can express
     beyond reason
The sky is the limit, baby girl
Push for further than that.

Oh, so you think you're better than me?

Protoceratops.

You can tell your T. rex to kiss my ass.

So many memories flood this bathroom stall
Sitting on the floor
face in hands,
crying out
all the pain of a broken heart
An uncontrollable ache
when the whole world was savagely sucked out
from each chamber, one-by-one
A vacuum living in the hollow cavity
once occupied by aortal abundance

The manifestation
of an eating disorder,
of voluntary gagging and involuntarily tears
A last resort for lack of control of everything else in life
and control of stomach contents
Damaged esophagus
Damaged psychological functions
Hello, my name is Ashley
and I am an addict.
I have been sober for 6 months...
but my mind is drowning in these thoughts of irrelevance
Soaked in incompetance
Rich with the possibilities of the many
ways in which I could make these thoughts disappear

Mind over matter..?
My mind is what matters
Not your words, not my own constant reassurance
that I am better than what I see in the mirror
It matters not what others say
I am a product of my environment,
of the imbeciles who instilled this false sense of what beauty is
...of everything that I am not

What do you do when you feel nothing?
For 20 years, these people have raised me,
yet I feel no attachment to them
A superficial love
A general care
Wishes for their well being
Even spending time with them evokes no emotions
other than sadness
Sadness because all I want at this moment is
to leave and never come back
There was a spark once...one instance
where I thought there was a possibility
that things could change
It was better for a while,
but gradually things regressed back
to how they were before,
with no signs of remorse
from the regressors
I should have known better,
but I've always been too hopeful
Too much of a believer that people can really change
We're too different
Our lives travel
along parallel but dissimilar paths
When will I ever learn
that the only person
who won't ever disappoint me
is myself?
Even then...I don't trust myself enough
to have full faith that
I won't fail at times.
That I won't break down
and disappear
into my own oblivion.
All I want out of my life
right now
is to find myself
as an adult,
and in order to succeed at that
I must make
that terrifying journey
on
my
own.

I count down the days
in tubes of chapstick.

I wait in silence
A world away
from a heart
that should be beating
right here next to mine

Create a beautiful dream
Give me the secrets
of your soul
and we'll make love
and fall asleep
in each other's arms

You will not die,
because you live in writing
I have immortalised you
Do not fear death,
for as you die
you're still here
beneath my pen

I fear my love is not enough
for the flowers
They speak in silver whispers
And the breeze blows tangles through my hair
I shall move
They shall remain
Oh, roots...
It's different when you have feet:
The flowers may be content,
but I am joyous

So the wind won't blow it all away,
I live in a house made of thistles and reeds
There is no permanence
Only their shadows brushing against my cheek
I can't keep them here
They are only temporary comforts
And.....
The wind might blow it all away

Hollow innards of a grand
surround the space left between dreams
and a lagging consciousness.
A protection against neural deprivation
and tortuous night terrors.
Do not fret, little bird.
Let the echoing warmth of this song
fill the gaps
and keep fear at bay.

Just a basic disconnect
Between my body and my brain
Is it red?
Is it purple?
Wait, your aura's purple!

Purple

The color of royalty
Of crowns placed upon the heads
Of those who fill the thrones

You

You sit upon a throne
A black plastic folding chair
Your leg tucked beneath
Aha, the disconnect is reconnected