April Hapner
I am from Charleston, South Carolina originally, and often write about my emotions as I tackle an on-going battle with depression, encounter life as a new mother, and settling in with the man who not only became a lifelong friend, but now my lifelong companion.
I have never left the country, however, I do love travel and write my travels. Usually behind the lens of a camera, clutching a notebook with an ink pen, and either a crochet hook or paintbrush keeping my hair from interrupting the words in an image or the photo itself.
Poetry took off as an outlet around age 13, and I am attempting to reign them in for publishing in the future. I always accept criticism, as long as you are constructive.
I hope you all enjoy what is here and what there is to come.
December, May and then June...
We've fallen out of tune.
A stroll down memory lane.
Lost in solitude
Once... [more].
Shadows play in the cold...
Expression-less figures dance [together]
in the Spring rain ...
walking on the seaside
Wonderful moments to embrace
A dust clouded you and I
...where were we?
followed the Autumn leaves
Smells of cinnamon, apple, and fresh wood
[but] I only remember
December, May, and June...
We've fallen out tune
[where we'd say 'I Love you?']
September alone
awaiting rain of May,
shadows of December,
walking in June.
could I have forgotten [happiness?]
without knowing, We would meet here.
life begins in the spring of May
continuing in June
Inside December's warmth...
Wrapped up in memory
easing from fear, my hope.
that an end never draws near
always holding for Love...
Walking in December,
Cold in May,
Raining flooded June...
we've fallen out of memory
and a tune
like broken pottery, scattered,
harvested in June
sculpted in December,
awaiting May...
E. E. Cummings does inspire me, more so than others think. Several things in life going on. Here is to friends, Love, and Laughter.
See Also: My Short Term Memory.
im awake
no sleep
a list so long
no time to foil
as the world turns
burning midnight oil
migraines and ...
the major issue of eye strain
but when i am home
i cant get a moment
alone
unless i lose or delay
the end of the current
and start of my next
now i understand
why my own mother
and her hands
ache and throb
for creativity
sanity
awaiting for the dam to break
and an idiot to choke.
but to master stupidity
tact, humor, and a balancing act...
one slip or fall
a test
for my undivided attention
but i know the direction and
...cost objections.
I watched a miracle appear
Almost
Ten years ago
and Deja Vu
now its all You.
From a friend,
for a Friend,
and Not a foe...
Behold,
a story of victory unfolds!
uncanny though you may think
that the stink of hell and BS
be over powered and now somewhat plastered
on a wall for the evil eye to dance the
opposite YAW
im sorry did i pull a moment of Leaves?
a published nightmare, once re-visited
with re-occurring themes yet all linked
on a funny little string of life.
now onto these unstable legs,
garbled communication,
just learning
to rely on himself,
transportation
wanting out the cage
and asleep without worry for his age.
but hes adorable
and his actions chuck full of thought
but this all has the same meaning
of moving forward
feeling
a breeze of excitement
an air of delight
when suddenly summer
becomes winter
these logs i ... chuck ...
to a fire to warm the inquires with--
Damn these splinters.
to look around the circle of those
i now start in thought
to hold in a varied definition of "close"
i'll keep by the shadow and watch
and if its a connect four
bingo, plinko, and even/or tic-tac-toe
its that feeling of victory
we all love to know.
Who has read the book house of leaves? its a book seems normal... then gets a LITTLE crazy. So read it, that and life of pi... all very nice novels. one is being made a movie.
congrats to a friend on their engagement
and also my son is not only crawling, cutting two front teeth... but now trying to walk at eight months.
I can't help but smile
You were worth waiting for
And opening the door that day
I couldn't want another man more.
Eyes open tonight
A quick "Fast-Forward"
Another day's reward
I couldn't want another man more.
I could play shadow games
Maybe, sleep today
But why chase sunsets--
When I'm with the best?
It's a magical feeling
Leaving my heart-- Reeling
Wondering not if-- but is this really it?
Or are miracles and dreams Legit?
There are no means of measurement
In my heart, I'm fully content...
I can gripe, whine, and bitch
But its nothing, when it is all complacent.
I can't help but smile
Every moment is worth while
Even when I come through the front door
I couldn't want Any other man
Love another soul..
More.
Imagine that one...
the length, in months, he stays,
the act of age he portrays
you've hurt so many lovers,
and yet you take one other.
the same age i felt with you
the age before i was legally able
to be stable, or atleast the thought of my own--
place, time, and space.
i've watched, without you knowing
and i've known that she had it coming...
you get deathly sick,
move out,
and act like your gone,
to see if she can really have one, two,
...wait...
only one chance,
because at 17 , you lost the first factor
and now she is 25 and knows better
moved on and written you a letter
stating what i told you long ago
that maybe at 17 you should have stayed alone.
funny a simple prime number
can have such significance
where as my story with seventeen
was a magazine
an age where i first heard about graduated licensing
when i decided that maybe i wasnt ready to date
because at 28, i realize now that 17 for you is a mistake
where mine is memories i made.
this number was the bus i rode
to and from school at even the same age,
i felt i turned a page
as the poetry i wrote and read; the pictures i took
that now line books
lined, blank, and randomly
decorate pages
handwriting was really interesting then--
but beautiful now
to see that one thing has come true
...i found love...
with a man, That i met Before you
and found me once you left
seeing regression
to the age i felt...
the highway in my home town that also leads--
to my home beach...
and all the way to a place of fancy in Savannah
and a commercialized vacation destination,
in the opposite direction
but knowing my memory is still alive, thriving...
keeps the idea of this prime number
alive atleast,
and for the weak, subtract ten
try to grow up doing the math
that i was back then, before all the computers and cheat sheets.
when standardized testing placed me in the highest bracket
i would have graduated atleast a year faster.
also, my memories deal more happiness
knowing that they last with this...
a little rhyme and time
and now that i am in the prime,
im past that length of time in months
with the man i love
and have damn near doubled the capacity--
have bought a little man a simple legacy
that his mommy and daddy
have a say in the matter
but when he's 17, he'll under stand the latter.
8/2012.
this one is a pattern of the abusive mf i was with and a time line from which his ex's have given me accounts of and funny like mine and the girl he is with now... all lasted 17 months before he was sick and tried to get everyone to pity him as he were only 7 with himself hanging off the ledge.
and FYI-- I missed getting into Mensa by a single point.
where my other half qualifies. by that additional point.
Funny as it seems, looks like our son will beat both of us.
I've hit "F5"
waited in line
for this wave to crash and burn ---
Just to get a drink.
feel dry, but not yet parched
i see waves in the heat;
need a moment;
need to breathe.
its too dry...
my mouth begs for a cool splash,
the engine overheats,
I'm stuck wondering
[is it 120 degrees?]
a suburban village
a hum and stream of cashflow...
leaking through unsettled buildings
and cracked doors....
only my feet have begun to feel a sensation of cool
as shade from the trees...
bakes away
i need the rain to make the area
bearable, wonderful
and breathable.
maybe the summer should hit "F5"
and let it rain so maybe
a sense of refreshment
can take over and soothe the panic
of those who cant access the "WWW"
to work,play,
and feel as if the summer from hell
has made its stay short,
so we may 'Fall'
and the screens we look through Re-Fresh.
My town broke its heat record almost everyday then after the mid Atlantic and mid west storms hit north of me, a fucking storm hits my town like last year and knocks out my power. im lucky it happened at night and the breezes at night were cool, in fact COLD.
This is probably going to be a first saying this, im ready for fall and winter.
watching in amazement
dumbfounded and oooh,
the wonder of a cold chill shivers..
upon my spine
down every bone
changing my tone
from wonder
confused
to highly amused
the gears turn so slight
just past twilight
the growl, houls..
of my midnight swoon.
watching with the intent
seemingly full of ideas...
just whisper what you like
you'll see the kitten come out tonight.
little purrs
light loving scratches
watching the toes curl
eyes roll back and close
all of your triggers
to suddenly...
STOP.
end of line,
the thought of you on my mind
as a pair,
the air heats and cools
and the moisture condenses
thrown off
feeling sky high
or a few miles in flight
realizing that hearing the birds
outside..
we're up all night
playing online.
But I've had a major block in thoughts.. and what happens after an hour of sleep in the last 36 hours?
Yes, This little thing ... and yes it is one hell of a way of saying it. we all have coded it, and sometimes to subject is fun to compare to activities we normally take care of...
Enjoy! :)
Rain, hitting my shield,
pounding the drums of the domain,
calling-- waiting,
wanting and wished,
an emotion -- is this tears or fears?
Of happiness, guilt, and unsound mind?
Is this the unraveling of time?
Question... calling,
rain, hitting my shield,
will life by this yield?
The humming, yammering of keys,
documentation,
calling, crying,
giving away into dominion,
what will this be?
Millions of miles across the water and air--
with my lungs weak and tired breaths,
heaving inside my chest,
calling, the humming, yammering of keys?
Will this pain or glory fulfill me?
Silence, deafening glory of serenity,
calling, the airen but barren breech,
of this i stand... holding my own wreath,
of green and red, roses dying within,
what will it bring?
Who may bring this to me?
Calling miles across the way into day and falling...
all gone array,
silence,
dark and deep domain,
back from which i came-
holding still my wreath,
this i still seek,
drawing inside i cannot hide...
every breath i hath giveth
taken from me-- unaware,
slowly, crying...
in hopes of...
death, but not dying.
What will it be?
This search still to find...
the seek?
Calling my heart, to the pounding rain of my shield.
Yield, i say.
Yield.
all I remember: rain, and a constant lack of wanting to go outside...
[i was taking a painting class, and my project was in the car... all the way on the far end of the lot. then it got worse sitting in a room with skylights and hail started]
Fun!
Trickling from the sky,
It isn’t any ordinary day
The rain-washes all my sorrows away
Wanting to sit on the edge
Looking out
This window, washes it away
It sounds so soothing,
Wherever I am
Nothing so quiet—
Nothing so sweet
Then the sound of the rain
On my feet.
Bad mood, Playing the rain makes it all better.
"Time"
Call in time
Free your mind
Feel your life
All Start To Combine
In this blender
We Call Time.
**************
"Tides"
Influence possibilities
Enforce change
Please say you did it in vain
Tides rise and fall
Things fade
Give me that chance again?
**************
"Can't"
Call in sick today
See the doctor right away
Seem to understand the drag, the system's lack
Wear colors, just black.
...Only
To find you're on your back.
"Can't" is talking about a single subject.
Whom of which can I speak--
When the days are full of heat?
Literary giant old and new,
Revamped, and told,"To thine own self be true."
Everywhere he had his ways,
Found dead, on his own birthday.
Upon his left ear a little ring, what did this bring?
Father of Tragedy,
He spoke, writhing with the lost love...
Nobody knows where he goes,
But at Two, we're going to The Globe.
So many things have changed
since I last walked
the world's soft and lush
green grasses of plenty,
caressing my feet as I walk overhead--
looking to the astonished yet radiant sky
filled with traces of clouds and breezes.
Swept over with fruit-bearing flowers,
including the spring daisies
and bright yellow dandelions
which create and weave themselves
into crowns and gowns
that flow through the meadows [...];
These meadows that fill themselves
with the slight twist of faith
that fall in such delight,
a kite wondering among the birds would call
to them in such a delightful tone
the birds gather on my shoulders,
and the flowers rise from the earth in miracles.
They grant wishes and miracles
like melodies of piano keys
as they fumble upon the rocks of strings
stretched for miles [...] and miles,
away.
written watching the sun rise.
A little thing,
a simple gift,
Flowing seamlessly in a lift,
Giving life to its cool, concerned touch
Raising a calm,
excited, but rapid bunch
Through the bushes and into the flood,
Flowing in to the hearts of the ones
Over each shade and tint--becoming one value.
Weightless like air it flies,
Sprinkling the ground with joy,
As it brings out the younger girls and boys,
To play as if it were the very last day,
Of the first summer vacation,
And not a rainy day.
imagery, this is one of the assignments given in one of my english writing classes.
we had to use imagery, any form, any style, im the only one that used poetry.
so what image does it paint for you? my professor thought a fountain...
but i was referring to children running through sprinklers.
Someone told me to reach
sometimes I can't see
where in the world is your heart?
Why in the world must we depart?
I just can't see why...
you have to ignore me all your life,
does true love have to walk about you twice?
These questions I ask
might they go among you,
encompass your heart
tear apart the hate.
What in the world do I have to do...
just to get the message through you?
like the desert missed the rain,
fallen hearts and utter dismay,
saved for those moments i wish for now,
cant imagine life without--
gonna walk home and look today
for something thats on display
cant imagine life that day
the understanding of moving away
absent from living and broken hearts
parts of me and a brand new art
cant you see what it does to me?
starving for a moment just to be
only wishing for that day
until then i am that desert that missed the rain.
can you see what it does to me?
starving me of affection for loving another soul like mine
one that completes the circle of night
just to bring life around today
life that lives in the desert of ways
starving inside,
afraid to cry
something deep begins to die
like the calling of a baby's cry
never asked your reason why
you made the
choice to say goodbye...
like the desert that missed the rain
said it'll come back
with the intention of never again
open to love and see the trees
once bearing on the plain...
slowly starved and sentenced death
grasping for its dying breath,
cant imagine life today
as a desert that missed the rain.
like the desert that missed the rain,
will i ever be the same??
i missed a call at 7
it was him, the one i thought i could have--
but he left me-- why i ask,
and to dead air--my reply.
to me, he is like every other guy.
like the ones i have met or been with for awhile,
sometimes i miss your call to tell you,
that its a reversal, how do you like it?
now, do i have to become--
the girl you hate,
or be the one with friends...
care to elate?
yes i admit--
that i missed talking to you,
but at 4 am, i knew something about you.
you were untrue, and cruel,
using me as your fuel,
but boy if you had been listening...
you would have known that i now hate you.
so as re-payment,
and i mean now that you're here.
lets take a walk, and let me talk--
i will be crystal clear.
i 'll let you see the damage,
the pain from tears,
i'll let you drown in your sorrow,
and awaken your worst fear.
i'll bring her back,
and there will never be a Next Year.
frankly-- i dont give a damn about you,
and how much you hurt her,
because i bet she would do the same,
if i just Mentioned your name.
and to let you know,
i will never call back,
because your heart is that endless abyss...
only colored Black.
why should i hold fast...
when there is nothing to hold on to?
the windows are eyes inside,
for now i have closed the curtians
i am now to hide.
when they are open again
will i be the same
and repeat the same to friends?
so as i close my eyes
its a temporary goodbye
but will others realize
that i am going through a trying times
in my life?
... ah,
the calm before the storm
unkept, im torn...
a beacon of light guides
ive followed in fright
have i changed my mind?
or havent i time by time?
just watching the shadows and the light play
tricks in my eyes,
the clever meaning and this--
only thing i realize that the next morning afterglow--
is no joke.
to grab my hand
then say "i love you"
a kiss and trails of stimuli.
take me away...
almost there
constantly out of reach
will i ever see you
can you ever see me?
i am almost always last
the one held back,
told to stay behind.
so if i stay here just long enough
and let the time pass by
will i get the chance
to be first
not the last?
so many things about me
but yet its a constant tug
to know that perhaps its all a matter of luck?
or am i stuck?
Again, work boredom.
Beneath me I can see
Floating mid-air am I not
Here is something in that
you have not?
in this box we live
a universe of pandora,
an unpredictable list
to slam a hope
and to kill a dream
give me a moment
i need to scream
how many nails
do i have to have
to build this house
only with sand?
can the pressure of time
break the glass
or etch like a sketch
with a diamond in hand?
a willowed moment
an arched place and a dip in length
flexible and durable
not always its strength?
silence has done nothing
then why condemn it with a screech
can you help me
clean the air with an inaudible bleach?
can the moments in which we crave
those delightful memories ignite
those flames inside give away
the feelings i have repressed today?
here is where it all inplodes,
unfolds,
creating and taking shape
to amuse,
to entertain...
on a flat plane,
a blueprint of sorts,
like a vacation that's overplanned
the moment is overthrown
with a missed element
and a simple grain of sand.
A billowed breeze
Bending imaginations in ways
With water soothing jagged edges
Its only time that can have a clue
Of what this wound will do
Heal—forgive and forget?
Or live a life of regret?
so can the air carry the messages
you send with smoke?
can i have those memories...
that make you choke?
how can i send the emotions
in a static connection
and make sure
im over you, around and under
when the communication
has been a blunder?
where is hope?
when the light dims?
how can one be so happy
without the end?
with friends and family
within reason and sanity
how can the emotional tug of war
be won when life really hasnt begun?
to say one inch
has been a mile
to say the feet have walked
when the ground before and after is
undisturbed
is it perplexed when i say the statement
is absurd?
so tell me what and if
can you do something with this?
how often can the laugh and plain jane
can make the mundane
seem oh so insane?
written with boredom at work, and the floor managers now understand a little bit more after being there a few years why i write so much.
