These are for the nights I feel like I don't belong to you nor to anyone
These are for the nights that I pity myself
because I'm not yours
and I'm not what you want me to be
and I'm not enough
I'm not worthy

These are for the nights I drink of my coffee
and my heart palpitates
my eyes bleed
and I am asking you
to love me for me

I stare at the ceiling
Feeling the pressure of the world on me
I think I can hear someone calling
to my left, to my right
I can't be so sure
I'm not sure of a lot of things lately
They say study hard and achieve your goals
Believe in yourself
Didn't they know that's a major undertaking?
Didn't they know how easy that is to say and how hard that is to do?
Have people experienced watching their dreams crumble away?
What do they do what do they say
Believe in yourself
Lift up your spirits
Are as empty words as can be
Go kill yourself
Would have been sufficient
But i know i might be overacting with the killing
I can now just stare at the ceiling,
Wondering how it feels like to be on top again, to dream, to chill, to have this drive to live, to conquer
But mostly now, I'm just practicing on forgetting the world
And everything in between

My problem with love
is I get too caught up
just in time to be brought down

My problem with love
is I get too attached
even before fully knowing the person

My problem with love
is my mind
running so fast, breeding babies
before feelings are to be known

My problem with love
is it gets so intense
while the other person barely recognizes
I am alive

My problem with love
is my great expectation of it
being returned in the same way

My problem with love
is I, loving the people
who I think can never love me back

I wish I could write a poem about you
because for the past few days all I do is scribble your name
on my answer sheet materials
and on the blank, obscured pages of my notebook
and I erase it afterwards with thick marks
so no one who can see it will read it
that it is you that I like
It is you that I want
that it is you I think about
and I'm not even sure if you make me hopeful
or hopeless
All I know is I should stop liking you this much...
To stop liking you this much.

I often wonder what we are
like hands that never touch
like lips that can never taste
like winds that sweep outside your door
what are we?
what are we doing?
why are we acting as if we're together?
but we aren't
and I am so confused
I am so confused
I want you.
Do you want me?
If we were together right now,
I'd sit in a corner, realizing how cruel this is
How I want to wrap my arms around you
How I want to twist my fingers around yours
How I want to taste your very lips...
How much I wanted you to be mine
How much I want you.
But all that I can do is smile at you,
talk to you about anything at all
But not the words I wanted to tell you all along
Not the words that are screaming in my head

You need no longer prove to me you're special
I believe I can manage it on my own, thank you very much
You need not shove it into my face
that you're wanted by many
even the waitress eyed you with what your friend thought
was a look of love
Nevermind.

I can guess for myself.

You need no longer direct me into your private life
where you live like a desirable beast
on top of the world
girls surrounding you any way you go

It's like implying I'm just one of those girls
Eager for you
And I'm just another story to be told
Man, that's brutal

You need no longer tell me you're special
Coz I already know you are
You were
special
But just like an old story told over and over again,
you lost your glimmer,
By proving how you're so much worth it,
how you're so much better than I am
you lost me
so easily

I am trying so hard
thinking about my approach
on this writing...
I mean, that fire that we once had
has died
and the ashes were washed away with water
to kill any remaining breath
no hope of its coming back

I was actually aiming for the melodramatic
because I remember a dark few weeks ago
I was feeling it
I was torn, heartbroken, confused, but waiting
W a i t i n g
I was totally on the palm of your hands

But now, about two weeks has passed
I don't even seem to miss you...at all
You dulled, that old shine in your eyes
is replaced by immaturity
and young-boy ego
I don't want any of that
I don't want any of you

It was sad
He, leaving the stage that once
owned him
the stage where a thousand
people screamed for him
and probably millions
in their homes
calling his name,
moved by his songs

I never really liked him
but it was still sad
as he sang his lang song
with no 'save' to make him stay
It was sad
that he's finally going away

Sinusulat ko to kasi baka bukas
Na ngitian mo na ako, na puntahan mo na naman ako sa tinitirhan ko
After kitang matext ng “punta ka! kain tayo!”,
Makalimutan ko na namang
Wala nga palang tayo.

Baka kasi sa susunod na araw
Maglulungkot-lungkutan na naman ako
Kasi cold mga reply mo
Kasi akong nauunang ngtetext sayo
Or kung hindi man ako nagtetext dahil nagpapamiss lang
Hindi ka naman ngtetext
Habulin mo naman ako
Iyon lang naman
Pero yun nga pala
Wala nga palang tayo

Sa susunod kasi baka makita kitang may kasamang iba
Sasakit na naman puso ko
Or sa ilang ulit ko ding pagrefresh sa facebook profile mo
Baka kasi paunti-unti ulit akong mamatay
Sa inggit na may maraming pwedeng magmahal sayo
At isa lang ako dun
Haba din ng pila pala no?
Hindi mo man lang ako winarningan.
Hindi na sana ako natutong maghintay at umasa pa
Hindi din naman pala kasi magiging tayo

Sinusulat ko to ngayon
Kasi nalulungkot ako
Tinanong na kita dati
Ano ba tayo?
Sagot mo lang ‘Hindi naman friends lang.’
Nagbago na ba?
Nagskip ba tayo ng isang kabanata?
“Hindi na ata tayo friends” ngayon eh
Hindi man lang dumaan sa kung alin ang nais ko
Yung sana nama’y maging TAYO.

Sa susunod na makita ko na naman ang palangiti mong mukha
At matingnan ang mata mo,
Sasabihin ko na sa sarili ko
Bago na naman mahulog ito sayo
At makalimutang saglit
Na ako lang ang nakakaramdam nito,
“Hindi kasi Tayo.”

The lingering texts that suggests
There’s a million things we need to talk about
Yet we settle for the trivial
Until we don’t know what to say anymore
It just happens that you can no longer
Give me something I need
Or maybe I’ve been expecting too much
And what I’m giving is far greater
Than what you can give

Look at the scattered pages of my heart
crumpled, torn, some neatly tucked inside my closet
some others are clean, never been used
and fresh as ever
The ink of a pen itching to write on it
A clean slate, a fortress, an escape
Write on it like the writer that you are
Don't make it tragic, coz tragic stories
are tiring stories, with difficult plots
make it as simple as possible
but beautiful
draw on it to satisfy my visual cravings
erase words only to replace it with better words
Use as much verbs as possible
and shower it with adjectives, and similes, and images
to satisfy my world of imagination
Color it, be creative with it, feel free while making it
Do no be afraid to pour yourself into the
scattered pages of my heart.
Do not be afraid to treat the pages
as if its your own scattered pages
as if its your own story to live.



I'm just waiting for you to collect me.

The greatest fear I have in mind
is to have found love
in spite of myself
and then to shy away from it
to hide my heart
and to slowly crumble inside
not knowing who and what to trust
and most of all,
to dwell on the past hurts,
and the past broken hearts.

So I was listening to songs
Songs of love and of lost
I know I didn’t really lose you
You’re still there
Waiting to be called
Waiting to be touched
I have that power
But I don’t use it
Coz I am quite uncertain as to how much I want you
Or do I just want you because you want me?

Have you ever had look into people
And believed they’re not just people
But something more?
They’re more than you are
They do so much better than you do
They have skills you do not have
Powers you do not own
Gazes that melt you
And frowns that tear your heart
Have you ever had those people in your life?
But then you knew them
Laughed with them,
Told them stories
Listened to their problems and dreams
And realized
They weren’t as great as before
They’re still people
They’re still people
Just like you

The greatest fear I have in mind
Is waking up
To find that I have lost
My heart
That I’ve given up on love
And built so much walls
That no one can climb
And to see that no one else,
Not even you
Can cure me
From me.

If only I were to love again,
I’d choose you
Not because I love you now
But I do know that I can
I believe you can help me
To believe love can stay
To believe people will be there
And tomorrow won’t be such a new day
To help me take it slow
To help me learn to trust people again
And to believe in me
Even when I, myself,
Can’t trust me
For what I have become
So if only I were to love again
I’d choose you
Coz you have the capacity to change me
Coz you make a great impact
Coz for days on end,
You were the one thing on my mind that
Makes me believe
I can keep on going