free of fear I feel now in myself.
Beyond opinion and judgment,
undistracted by guilt,
I am walking strong and steadily home,
not timid or uncertain,
with my eyes splendidly clear,
all one pearl of gratefulness,
There's blood on my hand
That same "damn spot"
It won't go away
I will get caught
There's blood on my face
Shame to wash it away
But I mustn't lose my composure
The spot, though lovely, cannot stay
There's blood on my chest
I can't seem to find how to remove it
I do so like it, just where it is
But there'd be many of those who'd pitch a fit
There's blood upon my feet
I must find the way to make them clean
Not at all because I mind
Because blood ought not be something casually seen
The blood, it's stretched itself to be everywhere
With that savory, metallic scent
Sweet and salty, this crimson, tacky blood
And I'm the keeper of the secret; what this has all meant
O these slashes of blood, the drying puddles, brimmed with love
The power that is the grip of life
Shed now in a glorious display of our purest contempt
Flesh weeping after the stabbing, mangling by a bladed knife
The blood has painted me
Always shall it be there
No amount of scrubbing could wash these marks away
Scent eternal, lingering in the air
This bloods borne a stain on my soul
Death a companion who'll never be far
I'll hold hands and walk with it
To hell's blackest star
My mind is circling
my brain aches
all I crave is love
but at a touch I break
there can be no love
when emotions are impossible
outside of your own control
so I let chances slip on by
weakening, saddened through to my soul
as a child I bore composure
but now I have none
it was stripped away from me
leaving my heart cold; cold as a black sun
my life, my world so foggy and dark
hurting silently deep, deep inside
all I wish, someone to love, to caress
though I can't stop myself
from running, every time, to hide
there is one I could blame;
make my misery belong to him
he broke me;
wronged and defiled me
but what of myself,
my own inner faith and strength?
buried too well to exist,
or just too covered to see?
there's a high chance that I
do possess it within myself somewhere
but to seek it, my lack of courage
begs me not to even try
it may hurt but its easier
to keep it bottled up
yet I must persevere, or I'll never
I'd miss my chance to fly...
I think that you loathe me; wish curses upon my head
I can hear you now as you scream your obscenities to my name
Just because you know I can see you twitch and squirm
I'm waiting to witness the end of your doomed survival game
I may quite likely live on awhile longer
Still kicking and running while you sink and die
This brings me a power I can't help but to hold over you
There's not a thing I could do though, and my words are without lies
It was the divine creator who made you exist as my underlying bitch
And I've no responsibility for my superior advantage
Never though, would you be capable of maintaining the tiniest semblance of control over me
Perhaps it's due to my choice made some days ago, and because I have been digging my ditch...?
I see no reason I shouldn't insist on finding enjoyment in all of this
For once I'm not the weaker being, and it's a long-standing dream coming true
Nor have I forgotten your fleeting moment of success, and feel peace knowing you'll never have another chance to hurt me ever again
Now a toast to my victory, and a toast to your demise, for we're arrived at the precise time for the ending of stage blue...
...I win by my perseverance's sweat, for I did as I was instructed to, and spent the necessary years required digging my own ditch...
We write the most beautiful things
and then, so abrupt is time, we end; pass on
after our deaths, we're dead and forgotten
unacknowledged, unmissed; just simply gone
every one of us lives this life with the need to be loved
each of us goes through life craving to feel as though we're needed
so we can write our lovely sentences
but it's worthless, for we can't escape our fate, and in the end we'll still die
the beings we were to become, no more than mere ashes in the wind
not worth even whispers to carry on our memories
so hurt thus fell these, our flowing words
our hearts consumed with bitterness; grey
years will continue to pass, none will visit our graves
our pages, our legacies shall sink; take solace with us in the ground
so we mourn now, thou still alive; oh how we sit, sit and cry
we don't really make sense
for why wouldn't we be loved by another when we for another can ourselves love?
perhaps unconscious self-contempt leaves us craving to feel neglect for our return
or perhaps we're just so terrified of being broken
we use our fears, rejections, anger and abandonments to write our most magnificent verses
why punish ourselves so, when time will still in the end overbear, and we'll all eventually perish?
oh, the merest of acknowledgments to such notions may as well rip our hearts from our chests
we may have fled truth, begging, pleading as we birth rivers of our blood, sweat and miserable tears
all alone then, without another soul in sight to wander with us while we roam deaths rocky beaches
So it's all of us who are broken, after all...
I fear it from an inside
My lips ~ refusal to move
Seeking fervently, shadows to conceal
my existence; to hide
Drowning; morbid dying in the
sorrowed soul's tears
Scavenging for my god
Digging for redemption, for salvation
Questioning my faith
I'm told, once again, to believe
That, only then, there will be a
hope in which to receive
He calls out to me
Audible to my ears
His beckoning reaches to even my
recesses darkest and deep
I'm washed away in a flood
Self-inflicted, torturous death
Then the whisper
'Go back to sleep'
Still, my weary mind rambles onward
Shattering into puzzle pieces
The artistic portrayal of who I
Though, I find no one who could
reconnect those pieces to again
build ~ again create, a whole
So, I am broken, shattered, crumbling
on a downward spiral
Yet again, He beckons
Calling out my very own name
"Oh Beautiful Daughter,
"I see not, your sins."
I fall to my knees
Utmost gratitude conceived
Though I remain too afraid to believe
I trust Him; words flawless to
every form of life
It's, alone, myself I cannot face
My mirror's as shattered as my soul
Those weak, disgracing, foul steps
I daily take
As I trudge down my chosen life
path of misery
A path to spawn animosity, contempt,
And nevertheless, He follows
Offering continually His hand
The Divine Hand
I shutter at such a notion!
Oh! How I don't deserve!
My broken puzzle has cracked
open my mask
Lies to be uncovered ~ lies of mine
Revealed by my subconscious' truths
I collapse to the earth
Piercing my body with stones
Pierced flesh, it bleeds
As was once shed upon a cross
Stop my feet now, please! Oh, stop me!
I'm running... running away
The light, so beautiful, so pure
I, a stain, to be cleansed; washed away
His voice, so powerful, yet gentle
A child's perception of her father's
And now, a message He declares
unto this mortal me
"Quit your resisting,
"Oh Beautiful Daughter of Mine
"It was for your sake I created
the light of day
"Come now, My child
"I've spoken, and you are worthy
"Bathe yourself in the oceans of
My grace's eternal waters"
My shattered fragments arise
Fitting together a work of art
too undefinable to speak of
In this new found light of grace, I bawl
In new tears, I rejoice
I have felt my Maker's unconditional love; His grace
I've been possessed by His showering of love
a soft, slow-motion like blink.......
eye lids, heavy, pulling down
then, now, raising back up
open... close... opening again
lashes gently, briefly collide; brushing
nearly inaudible whisper of sound
it's so cold
the sunshine gone?
Words, phrases, exclamations...
great efforts to birth well-articulated strings
sentences, paragraphs going nowhere
just evaporating into the air
- after their pleading, violent spewing forth!
mad workings of mouths and lips, of tongues
raging torrents of language
worthless, pointless, meaningless...
one could say anything -
enunciate; flowing, eloquent
or ranted, rambled
lightning-speed creation: disastrous!
no matter to be coherent -
to be nonsensical
speech is of absolutely no value;
devoid of all worth
perfectly useless, audible abyss...
So I'm finished and fucking surrender
it's been a journey traveled far too long
hope has long been departed and gone
painfully overdue, it's undeniably time
-So I'll shut my goddamn blabbering, jibbering jaws
and I'll do it RIGHT NOW!
BURN me, HATE me
You cannot defeat me
I am who I am
And you cannot change that
ACCUSE me, TWIST me
You cannot shape me
I am who I am
And you're no part of that
BEAT me, TORTURE me
You cannot hurt me
I am who I am
And you cannot break that
FUCK me, RAPE me
You cannot burden me
I am who I am
And I am NOT part of you
FLOCK me, KILL me
You cannot bury me
I am who I am
Steadfast, in life and death alike
THIS icy cold water sort of, almost helps
but my throat is still thick, hot, and dry
caked and clogged, choking on nicotine phlegm
and oh God, how I long to just be high...
MY skull's a million pounds; head, so heavy
suffocated with thoughts, swarming, squirming, zipping around
my consciousness' holding capacity is entirely used up, one-hundred-ten percent spent
it's matter-less though, as I've nothing left waiting out there to be found...
CRACKLING, pop-popping~ there's a ringing in my ears
and I'm nauseous, my stomach aches and aches
I can feel my face, squished and crying, though I haven't any tears
my spirit feels on the verge of a complete and massive break...
I"M overwhelmed and broken~ too much, the physical hurting
I'm psychotic, shattered and scattered~ ugly emotional and mental pains
what if I'm destined to never find a cure that would make this sickness end?
and what if I can't, either, find a way to save the little left in me that's sane...?
HOW can this filth and destruction only be seen through my eyes?
perhaps I'm delusional beyond reason, perhaps nowhere, only inside my head?
am I possessed of an illness, hideous and wicked, hiding deep inside my soul?
should I relinquish this breathing now; maybe just be better off dead...???
OR maybe I should merely write another of my nonsensical, depressing poems?
in a fantasy world where there's truth to the notion that words can heal diseases such as mine
is there any purpose or point? - do I even have any strength to hold on to a fragment, so delicate, of hope?
how sure, how certain can I be, that, in my continuance of life, the days will always pass with, still, nothing left for me to find.......???
SUCH an ancient wisdom radiating from HIS words
chiming through each syllable this wise, OLD MAN spoke
granting me visions beyond the obvious of my world
a time to uncover comprehensions that have not yet awoke...
KISS the man - the boy, then rip out his beating heart
eat his pulsating organ as it fades, as it pumps, dripping its final blood
savor the sensation of terminated life gushing through your red, sticky fingers
watch his flesh, sprawled on the floor, die in its own flood
THE OLD MAN knew - HE could see through to the true me
though I had never encountered HIM in this life before
HE told me to, "Kill the man, free, and
"Repent of all the years spent wallowing in monstrosities and sin..."
"LOVE the man before you rip out his heart
"Bite by bite, be nourished as he dies in hell
"feel his life-blood smearing on your face, dripping off your chin..."
all of this the guidance, all the OLD MAN had to tell
THE OLD MAN whisper-spoke with a cracked, arid voice
crowned tones birthed of a knowledge, a wisdom, the man never possessed
for all of this, I have cried, but now I am done
the OLD MAN, to me, also said, "now to be blessed..."
I'LL kiss the man, then, heartlessly tear out his heart
I shall shred it, destroy it, spit as I throw it to the floor
bloody spatterings, glistening red, surround me
and it is by this end, le fin, that I'll reach out and grasp the knob of my new door
OR so the OLD MAN told me...
for many years
I have dwelled
as a prisoner of
my own mind
constructing a realm
meant only to
possess nothing, but
my impenetrable cage
I was just
so very afraid
I hid myself
hid myself away
away from the
world that I
could have known
perhaps, the world
I should have
should have known...
forever to remain
camouflaged by the
by the dark
in shadows, deep
hidden from others
kept from the
the sunshine's light
kneeling in a
dark corner while
while I weep
...my rolling river's
pained, murky waters...
it was only
only no one
no one, but
myself and my
own heedless fears
I, a captive???
by a being who
shows their face
a familiar face
every time I
I look into
her empty eyes
as they gaze
into my own
where I stand
peering into my
my destructive mirror...
my innocence has
has been stolen
was ripped away
by the hand
the hand that
belongs to me
thrown into this
this strangling cage
this awful dungeon
a captive soul
made slave to
my very own
inner, quivering doubt
forced to wallow
in eternal blackness
just as one
one miserable, exhausted
sad and dying
one dying fool
... solely self-
[ a prisoner who
who resides within
cold prison walls
in another's cell
that was made
built up around
the ground where
their feet, first, stood
with very, very
efficient hands... ]
eventually she'll meet
her cold death-bed
life's breath, wasted
wasted, worthlessly away
cruelty in her demise
the conclusion her
her own hands wrought
her own personal
and just as her
world while living
she'd conquered nothing
nothing, but her
her dark, lonely tomb
of timeless death...
SHE SAYS I have an old soul
But I feel so young and vulnerable inside
I'm lost, weak, and very naive
All I want now is to run, to hide...
SHE SAYS I possess great faith
Why then, do I doubt within?
I feel less faith in me with the passing of each day
The hole filling up with regret and sin
SHE SAYS I'm just so intelligent
Yet I'm truly lost and confused
Just a child, broken and bent
My soul already torn up and used
SHE SAYS I'm so inspiring
How could that ever actually be?
I've surrendered to the misery paralyzing my body, my mind
So how could anyone- how could she learn from me?
SHE SAYS I will be wanted, loved
But all I've known is my own self-contempt
No one could love such a foul, loathsome creature
My future holds only a deep hate to tempt...
SHE SAYS I will thrive, that I will be great
How shall that happen since I've already given up on my dreams?
My death shall arrive with naught accomplished
Or at least presently, that's how it would seem...
SHE SAYS, again and again, I have an old soul
Tell me then, what does my soul know? What has it learned?
Is it truly worth the suffering for me to continue on?
Or will I find my fate to be a girl left abandoned and burned?
Hear her screaming
an art form
of echoing fear
Feel her heart
in her chest
And her breath
rushed, but hollow
can also be
Move with the
of her feet
running down the
path, smeared red
twine of story
CAPITULATE YOUR VILE EFFORTS to tempt and grasp hold of me
my eyes have been opened, and you have lost your control
you're no longer able to sneak up and confuse me
I've been granted a repossession of all that you stole ~ ~ ~
I'VE RELINQUISHED MY REFUSALS, and am now His beautiful daughter!
I surrendered and He said I am His sunshine!
I am His princess for every moment of eternity!
I am His alone, and you have been left far, far behind ~ ~ ~
GONE ARE YOUR POWERS to imprison me here
His glory has left you pitifully, hopelessly weak
He holds me, lovingly cradled in His strong arms
and vainly sought shall be all your further efforts to seek ~ ~ ~
HIS GRACE HAS REMOVED my shackles and unlocked my chains
so oh no, never again, shall I be a demon's captive
He holds a key for every lock you might use to bind
and His desire is for my soul's freedom to live! ~ ~ ~
GRATITUDE'S TEARS RAIN from my eyes as I fly in His realm
my burdens, my deep, piercing pain, my misery - He has thrown them all away
His light has overflowed me and I know only the purest peace
I have been washed of my darkness and with Him I shall stay! ~ ~ ~
HE KNOWS ME! He loves me! He wants me! He has forgiven me!
with unconditional love, He has wiped the stains from my face
I, merely a sinful, repulsive wretch and He has cleansed me!
so wholly undeserving, I am in awe of the miracle of His endless grace! ~ ~ ~
OH! HOW I MUST forever thank Him and serve Him!
I shall worship Him as I live and breathe; as I play, run, sing and dance!
I am His child and shall take refuge in His perfect embrace
so you may as well forsake your because, for winning, you have not a minute chance...! ~ ~ ~
~~ I am HIS! ~~
ANSWERLESS RIDDLES are mating with my squirmish thoughts
they swirl and ferment inside my skull; pulsating neurons in my head
I feel it before I hear it, as the laughter bubbles up from within me
but there is nothing to find amusing, and my hope lay dying, now dead ~ ~ ~
the last of the cords holding together my sanity are frayed and slipping quickly
I am helpless to restring them alone, so far beyond my arm's reach
I can sense this rushing of maniacal laughter building up within me again
and then my fear seems to dissapate as my mind travels to lands with too strange a concept to teach ~ ~ ~
in years gone by, perhaps I have known traumatizing troubles too intimately
maybe I have allowed myself to, continuously, keep detouring from a wholeness I possessed once before
this sound escaping my strained lips right here and now is speaking of a new, different story
oh thief!! sanity has become a stolen piece, and not again shall it ever reside in me, no, nevermore ~ ~ ~
I am, and yet, I see nothing, save for some undescribable, disturbing chaotical nonsense before me
failure... I cannot create any sense or light to manuever these biting, foreign seams
I cannot help but to question whether any true relevance will ever actually be found here
this laughter just, unfaulteringly, sings itself to and from anywhere - even in my resting dreams ~ ~ ~
this sudden, burning desire fills me, and I think I'll cut myself loose, allow myself to go now
I'll float on down this hideously contorting river of giggling screams that I've dreaded to face
yet all such fears have begun to fade as my undeniably worthless grasp is slowly released
destined in time for me to reside, here is a numbing, emotionless, vile and heartless place ~ ~ ~
I cannot hault this shrieking laughter that bursts forth, exploding from my lungs
yet, I feel blank, so somehow this, and all else too! - has found its path to indifference here
my few, meager joys may have run away, escaping along with my misery and sorrows then
I have grown numb, become spiritually void, thus, I feel none of this, and I've no worries, despite my sanity's departure (forever disappeared...) ~ ~ ~
Death's threatening gaze carries no weight in an existance which lies always so lifeless as this
already, I've relinquished myself to surviving as no more than a zombie, a vacant shell, chained and bound in a permanent, deep and impenetrable trance
I once clutched an empty chalice to fill the hole from whence my inner peace had, long before, fled
abandoned then, abandoned again, my only company fated to be the humorless laughter that comes flooding from my open mouth and leaves me a twitching death-maiden, bound to a passionless, eternal dance ~ ~ ~
but none of it matters, oh, not in the least, minute way, oh no no, not anymore
I haven't even the faintest hint, nor trace of awareness remaning for me to care
here, there isn't a god, there is not a satan or devil - no heaven, nor hell, nothing to inspire your soul
AND IT IS HERE, to this place, we shall all eventually belong, and together spend eternity, with naught but expressionless stares... ~~~
I am an ocean
fierce and untamed
a powerful beauty
unburdened by shame
I am unbounded
exquisite and free
an unstoppable force
unchained; let be
I am a hurricane
wild and unrestrained
a compelling storm
untainted by pains
Because I am a miracle!
Oh! Mercy and grace!
a taste of freedom...
now undaunted in this place!
*Written June 2010
"LOOK!" So quietly you choose to speak...
I hear the sweet vibrations of your voice
my eyes lift to search a dark night sky
and you say, "There! Did you see?"
miles distant, shadowy light flashes
flickering over the mountain shades
lightning slicing through that atmosphere
and I answer you, "Yes.
"I wish that the thunderstorm was here."
you respond with your enigmatic silence
yet still I strain my ears
hoping to somehow maybe hear something from inside of you
even just a faded echo of your unshared thoughts
because you are my deepest desire
it's you alone that I most desperately crave
I'd sacrifice everything I have in this life for you
for only just a fleeting moment, I would
a moment in which you were solely mine,
worth more than I could ever have to give
my very soul cries out, agonizing, for you
my heart begs for your love to fuel it's own love
my flesh, my bones and blood burn to feel the warmth of your embrace
my lips quiver at only a thought of brushing against yours
my entire being tingles and aches to find solace in your affections
I'd rip my very soul from my deepest depths and place it in your hands
my heart I'd also eagerly tear right out of my chest
my promise, my solemn vow I'd gift with my bleeding wounds
never would I- could I, forsake you
if I could keep you, keep you, I would, indeed
a treasure I'd never relinquish willingly
passion, grace, unconditional love, yours forever and free
A picture of these, my most fervent of prayers and dreams...
split- second bursts of color and light
electricity, a bringer, a conveyor of destruction,
birthing fires in the brush and trees, and, mocking, denying me my love...
in that far away storm, a creeping portrayal; image, stretching wide:
I see a vision of your cherished face
I feel unbearable, disabling pains commencing
there's unfathomable sorrow, misery within me
I realize my heart is about to crack, break, shatter to dust and ash
no mind to how great and vast my love for you
no heed to my willingness to give up everything; anything
I glimpse it all in that fraction of a second
those stars; twinkling eyes, tell me an entire story, at the speed of light...:
so unfortunate, that you won't be mine now,
never else either, shall you ever belong to me
my gaze is drawn away, and departs from the place where the mysterious and celestial dwell
relinquish their view of power unleashed, blinking far off, in the sky above
I turn my head; swivel towards you,
for dire, is my need to take in every aspect of your beloved face...
maybe I'd misunderstood; maybe I'd been mistaken,
maybe a bit tired, rather easily confused,
or perhaps, it was a lie that the lightning storm's vision, sly and sneaking, portrayed...
but I can see the tangible, physical you, before me right now,
and, the truth - - -
(which I cannot positively know, for certain,
perplexed and having some doubts...)
- - - an obvious, unpleasant, ugly reality...
my tears have already begun brimming, as I watch, through a blurred void,
and prepare, because that mouth of yours is, once again, opening to speak
a bullet, slivers, pierce through to my soul when I hear you softly utter my name
"Alex, what's wrong? What is your problem now?"
how can you be so oblivious, as I feel so transparent? I ask,
but only to myself; not in such a way for you to actually hear me,
giving you, instead, yet another of my head shakes; slow, speechless reply...
I'm broken, and it's painful when you look at me,
what if you were to notive the sadness and hungry longing buried within my eyes?
please, please don't you look at me!
all of your questions, I'm incapable of answering,
never could I openly share with you how I so intensely feel
my fear of rejection has given me an answer in your stead
and, thus, this love shall go on only inside of me, in silence, secretly
despair, loneliness, burdens so heavy; wicked,
thick enough to rot me inside-out...
torn down, destroyed by love; my very own love - - -
(mine, a love undescribable... immense, immeasreable love;
love which was borne of my seeking indifference, but finding you...)
- - - until my savior of death comes,
will be working diligently to murder, slowly and bitterly, my life force
and impatiently, I'll live out the remainder of my days waiting and suffering;
looking forward to the moment when my black-robed executor shall, at long last, come,
and set me free of these suffocating bindings scarring, straining my heart...
for without you to hold, I am empty and lack purpose
I've no other hope on which to let the weight of my hurt bear
still hoping, inanely, for some unforseeable chance;
a growth of buds sprouting forth from the blooms of God's grace...
"Alex...?" oh, the way you say my name...!
"Say it if you have something to say!"
but still, once again, I say nothing at all,
just give another of my small, weak, neck-twist type of shakes;
a minuscule gesture that gets neither of us closer to anything, or anywhere...
I wipe away, quickly, a single tear that's escaped to leak down my face; slide down my cheek
you are the happiness of my world; my everything,
and yet, here I am, excruciatingly frightened, and left alone with that fear
paralyzing terror, stalking, menacing me into remaining silent;
horrors feeding my tentative heart cruel and brusing, nasty notions,
convincing me it's my destiny to uncover a crushing ruin of defeat, unavoidable,
if ever I was to make an effort to reach out
pitiable... I'm a motionless, frozen captive to its stagnating, discouraging taunts,
a demon, so intent upon pushing me to my hope's final demise...
until then, I'm just some pathetic subject to ludacrous torment; prisoner to torture
shuttering, I hear gleeful whispers in my ear - a surreal voice saying that all my fears could,
maybe, just possibly, maybe, be a confining falsehood; a tower of cruel lies...
...but then again, how could I ever find out and know for sure...?
condemned I am, by my own terrors; haunting fears of loneliness and rejection,
and so, I suppose, I'll never discover what you truly think and feel...
as I sit here, the passenger in your car, I'm so desperately wishing,
~ wishing that my lips and tongue could remember how they used to work;
~ wishing, so fervently, that my mouth, sewed, cemented, and stapled shut,
would somehow break itself open, and then, free, suddenly speak,
something! anything! any words at all!
a simple sentence could potentially be sufficient; could be enough to break these chains, to set my thoughts free...
perhaps, all it would take, language - me, bringing myself to fearlessly say,
"John, do you think you could ever love me?"
but no, I stay void of speech or sound
for now that's it, and there's no more to do - that I can do...
maybe the strength to ask will arrive on another, different day,
only, I hope, that if that could be true, it won't be too far off from now,
because, by then, it may have gotten to be too late...
SILENTLY, secretly, my very pulse screaming of my emotions;
declaring, to no one other than myself, my feelings, my love for you...
and without my vocalization, you just may never know,
but still, sweet man, my beautiful John, I so very greatly love, love, love,
everything about you...
hand on the smeary glass pane,
staring out this window ~
refusing me my right to freedom...
the sun shimmers, golden,
like a bright, hot, cruel joke
I feel my pulse racing;
chest tight with anxiety, despair
these butterflies squirming in my gut,
making me nauseous...
I cannot have what I most want;
that which I most painfully need
- denied what my heart so desperately craves ~
shivering, sobbing in cold anguish;
spirit shrieking in piercing agony...
soundlessly, I plead for time to sew up my wounds
- I don't know how much longer I can stand to watch them bleed:
just oozing forth from my desecrated insides,
as if my soul is slowly being drained...
Lord, I beg of you,
help me overcome this plight ~
alone, I'll never find enough strength;
unable to rid myself of this grief,
powerless to shed this burden, this weight,
and all my life's joy would be lost ~
just wasted, neglected, thrown away...
so please, lift me, carry me,
for I am only human
- and I am so very weak,
so very weak...
pummeling droplets of rain
vicious, forceful hurricane winds
swept violently away
a helpless rag doll
tugging me around
- by my ravaged soul
fractional-seconds, flashes of light
world rushing past
lost in this predicament
having been carried away
...so far away...
prisoner of this whirlwind
fearsome, raging tempest
powerful and raw
mindless murdering of innocence
inescapable prison walls
captive of this sociopathic entity
damned and over-burdened
foul irony, my fate
- my only companion
pressing, constant reminder:
I AM TO BLAME...
chained to my own
passionless, encroaching storm -
jerking, twisting, spasm-wracked,
a destroyer -
- my destroyer!
the homicidal destroyer,
that I have made...
I am, my own, storm slave...