looking down from this height,
quite frankly i see it all in black and white,
looking up from this height,
its all just so uncanny,
now that does not make me any frail,
so i will just hold on and sail.
i will make sure to leave no trail,
while i go sauntering to the horizon's end,
in search not for love,
for that is what makes this vast unfathomable scary ocean,
in search not for dreams,
for that is but this voyage of mine,
in search not for a meaning,
for there need be none,
if there is, be it synonymous to uncertainty,
if all goes wrong, i will sing a song,
if all falls apart, i will still play my part,
the venture is savage, there will be rampage,
intrepid need you be,
insipid the journey will be.
promise me that you ll be there from the start to end,
and i will hold onto you to the end from the start,
when i say this, know for sure,
my words are your hearts anchor.
.......
I do that, sit there,
and somehow i fit in there,
my drapes wet and weary,
the 2 am shower,
washing away the dreary,
I love what I have become,
but oh what have i become?
i have scars, and they are scars,
they are not me,
i too see the stars, but they are the stars,
they are not me,
i love what I have become,
but oh what have i become?
i am not words spilled between us,
over a cup of hot coffee,
not the cascading picturesque portrait,
that would hang in your four chambers,
I love what i have become,
but oh what have i become?
I color my hair deep red,
I sleep in almost a burrow
I wear boots, I dress in black,
I am more my words,
and less of the songs they sing,
I love what i have become,
but oh what have i become?
I stop making sense to you,
I drag my world with me,
and that world live in me,
I can decipher your scowl,
the grimace on your face,
that you save for me,
but I will be this, just this,
I love what i have become,
but oh what have i become?
as it rains outside lulling, its music clothed
with the lyrics of the night that keeps my heart in a dreamy flight,
it just feels very right, just feels very serene,
watching yoù sleep,
ever radiant, if the moon was to be a flower it would probably look like yoù,
its so tranquil feeling my own overflowing love without even touching yoù, without telling yoù,
when i try to tie it around my heart, and anchor my life in this moment,
so it last and does not have a chance to becomè a liè or a dream,
i feel really very good.
I am a loud scribbler
No, I am not painted red with love,
I am not a soul sublime,
I am but stained scarlet with sin,
I am not a soul sublime,
I will carry no luggage on my journey tonight,
though I have the bags packed, ready, and everything looks right.
Maybe its all mine to take, but I do not know if they want to be mine.
for me to lose them, its not just fine, later I do not want to whine.
I cannot wait for the many parting words and good bye,
I cannot wait for the tears nor the hidden smiles,
Because I will carry no luggage on my journey tonight.
My body yearns to be in your embrace,
Hope to see you makes my heart race,
But I will carry no luggage tonight,
and I will try to do so with all my might.
I will carry no luggage on my journey tonight.
For I know not where I am headed to,
For i know not how far I could go,
Grimace was no more in my face,
for I have strode far from hatred,
Vengeance was not my heart's taste,
for I have flew a lot far from nursed hurt,
far from exhaustion.
I will walk nonchalantly and let it be,
A tourist's ride through vivid monotony,
I will leave no room for melancholy.
I no longer halt to comprehend,
I no longer rush to apprehend,
Pensive or sad was not I,
for the roads has taken me far,
from all the long stories,
and the lost dreams.
I will walk nonchalantly and let it be,
A tourist's ride through vivid monotony,
I will leave no room for melancholy.
The land of love, my love,
I left it behind,
the seasons, the reasons,
nay they, no longer intrigue me,
nay I care about them any more,
Thirst to quench and hunger to kill,
I got the boots on my feet,
and the song of my heart beat,
they will take me there,
I will walk nonchalantly and let it be,
A tourist's ride through vivid monotony,
I will leave no room for melancholy.
Its a hurt cycle,
and I am tired,
I cannot dream.
nor can I think,
or recuperate,
I see nothing,
Feed me no more,
of this toxic guilt,
for I can't help,
but accept this,
and I can't help,
but fall apart.
I sometimes read your poem, recite them in my own rhythm,
and wish while I silently believe, for a moment or two,
that you did it for me, just for me, very much for me.
I will never ask though, because it never may be meant for me,
Never maybe ever, but - why not imagine !!
and when she held out her hands, i took them and we ran,
we ran far, we ran through the rains, the snow and as far as we can,
we ran into our next lives, where we were in each others arms,
where we ran further, where we ran through the woods,
as the wind on the trees lulled us into our dreams,
and we ran.
after all, you and i, we are not so different,
love and music, has our hearts and minds incandescent,
winter and rain has made us oh so magnificent,
kiss me now, miss me not now,
my body the fire and you the incense.
yes, after all, you and i, we are not so different,
homeless passion, our hearts' incumbent,
i seek you, you seek me, though we are spent,
covetously we are cloyed, wanting to drag each other,
and make the purest virgin love,
when the quicksands that drowned us withers,
and becomes caramel candy, in which we bathe.
you and i, after all, we are not different,
my senses await to be pacified by you,
exorcise my nightmares, lie by my side all day, all night,
under my blanket, the warmest domicile,
for our love, for me and for you.
you and i, after all, we are not so different,
minds like beehive, thoughts like bees,
buzzing inside, i wait for you to bloom,
for the bees to bring me your nectar,
drench me in it, souse me in it.
you and i, after all, we are not so different,
enamored by our many difference,
enthralled by the surprising luminescence,
that our closeness creates in us.
after all, you and i, we are not so different,
the rains, the dew drops, the hail,
the moments, the pain, the tears, the tear,
the wear, the falls, the rises, the poetry,
I love you, I do
my dear you,
its not very good i know,
but there are those moments,
and it happens over and over again,
when i wait, i wait so eagerly,
hungrily, dying with an uncertain,
anticipation, for you to say that..
that, what i want to hear,
but maybe it skipped or slipped,
out of your mind, like it has,
before for many others.
but when such a room forms again,
i wait again, for you to say it,
i look into your eyes,
i wait for you to say it,
even a slight feeble utterance of my name,
once, just once, i long for it,
i want to hear it, i plead in my heart,
but you miss it again.
its not a good thing,
for me to feel lonely then,
but that is when i do,
maybe you don't know,
but i have not heard it,
or felt it even once,
i want to, always
its like waiting to be embraced,
but then it slips everyone's mind,
its like being first in the line
and yet missed out,
well i know, maybe its my fault,
but don't i say it?
and don't i let them know,
yes i do, but maybe yes,
its not just that,
i but can't stop myself,
from wishing to be the reason,
to be the soul, to be the one,
or to be at the least told once
so i wait, my heart racing,
my eyes keen, my ears sharp
my name is not hard to say or spell,
its not long, its forgettable maybe,
but i would definitely helplessly wait
want and crave to hear many a times,
that, which i want to hear,
but don't know because i haven't heard before,
or because i don't hope to hear it
you do not really hear me,
do you, but i won't complain,
i won't, i will stop wishing
i will try, i promise
and when i try, i wait,
i wait with so much craving,
i wait so impatiently,
i wait to hear you,
i wait to know you would be
that probable someone,
who said that, who would say that,
once, no many times,
but as if i was the very thing,
as if for you it was all me,
silly me...
yours truly,
me
i am ashamed, i am such a bad person, you were my best friend. You loved me,
maybe you were just like me. you have seen me cry when no one else did,
i dont know if you ever understood, i dont know if you ever heard what i said or knew what i kept saying in the middle of the night.
you didnt care how messed up i am, thats a cliché, i will say you didnt care how nice i was.
you were what nobody could be, you were what i never can be but want to,
you were a dog, but you were no different from me, you were not,
but you died too soon, you died as i watched in my hands and i didnt cry then, i buried you,
there was so much i wanted to ask you, like what it meant when you licked my crying face and tears, like when you did all the unbelievable things you did,
i bit it back, i am so fake, but like humans have, if you have a soul you should take away these tears i shed for you,
you were beautiful, you were not an animal, i am, we people are,
its you who is humane, its you who love, its you who care, its you who protect, its you who teach us a lot more,
i wish your species could read and talk for we people will find this weird and will think i am a freak,
tonight my tears mean somethin more, tonight my tears are righteous,
but i am ashamed, sometimes i hate myself, for the drama in my life that throws me up and pulls me down makes me cry,
but i was late to cry when i lost you-
'disrespectful, you hurt me,
you make me bleed
you give me pain as feed,
i hate you.'
'but why?',
'oh i get it, i won't understand why.'
'its just me, just me'
so i cry, but did not lie,
and i wrote poetry,
about the smoke from the chimney,
not the fire, not the twigs,
and wished i was the smoke flying high,
but i would not be,
i am this and i cant fly high.
'you are to be accused,'
'you are to carry the blame,'
'for you made me this,'
'your stupid deep love.'
'but i did not mean to,'
'why do i always hurt you?'
'oh i would not understand why',
its just me, just me
so i cry, but i did not lie,
and i wrote poetry,
about the dew drops that vanish when the sunrise,
not as the tears that they are,
not the pain, they may represent,
but vanishing,
no though, i cant vanish,
i am me and i cant just vanish.
'you dont make any sense,'
'you never do,'
'you steal the peace i could have had',
'why do you hurt me so much?'
'you tore me apart and i hate you'
'but why? Yes i loved you too deep,'
'but never meant to hurt you'
'oh, well i would not understand why.'
its just me, just me,
so i cry, but did not lie,
and i write poetry,
about how i wanted to be a tumbleweed,
so light, floating in mid air,
belonging to nobody,
but i cant, i want to,
but no, this is me,
and i have to go through.
tell me what i want to be told,
so i know what i want to be told,
kiss into me a wild & beautiful reverie,
let me write a poetry about me,
a me, who was a person,
who kept living
i wanted to say it all,
i wanted it to never fall,
wished i could easily express,
hoped i would not again need to suppress.
And i heard it echo -
Come on doggie, stay leashed,
or you will create a big mess.
I planned to draw a better reverie,
love filled everywhere in it,
with you and with me,
i began to let my heart out,
and i heard it echo -
Come on doggie, stay leashed,
or you will create a big mess,
i began to sing,
i tried to stop myself,
but to you, i wished to cling,
i walked close to you,
and i heard it echo,
Come on doggie, stay leashed
or you will create a big mess
sad to the core,
i tend to become a total bore,
i should have told you before,
statutory warning for my kind true friends here who puts up with my sad, dark, boring blah.
I am no writer, i just am a let loose crazy mind, tongue and pen.
Little late for intro, i know
i did think you knew i was not like all else,
i can well decipher the changè in rhythm,
all you had to do is say you have a new song,
i could have become the background score,
i could have just slowly faded,
there would never have so much pain,
you would have found it easy to say,
i was but yesterday night's cold heavy rain.
i would not have been this drenched,
i would not have felt this heavy,
i would not have to kill the dreams i carefully tailored,
now my heart lets the pain sustain,
so it feeds me with numbness enough,
for me to figure out how to free myself from this strain,
of knowing there is so much to leave behind.
love someone - no wait, love one, a special one, so much, so deep, with every bit of you, with all intensity, with every ounce of life in you, your soul and even your shadow and love them even more...
...and so much more that it begins to hurt you as well as them, it begins to tear you from the insides and your loved one too, it tries to absorb and continuously devour on all that you have just to grow the love, just to become stronger than it ever was...
...and spring becomes yesterday, winter too, autumn arrives and an occasional rain. You sense your lifeless parts falling off, corroding, wearing off. Life drained out of you, tear drops trying hard to revive your dry heart, you succumb, you fall on your knees, you surrender to the night, lie down and wait for the dew to wake you, for the breeze to stroke your hair, uncertain if there is ever a feeling anew. You hold close the uncertainity, you keep away the flowers, the cool drizzle and the bright lights, you wince, you grow out. You begin to love autumn and hope it stays, you become autumn, you become the occasional rain...
the open gaping wound on you became me,
and you still was ever beautiful, young and deserving,
sprang up in between us, an intense love,
you tried to heal me and as i did i diminished,
i tried to stay open, alive and fresh and as i did,
you remained hurt, you became weaker.
I love you, you love me,
we are fading.
